Your dad touched me again.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
