Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
