Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
