It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
sarcasm needs its own font
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
