You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
