no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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