can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
