I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
