somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
