if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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