HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
