hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
