I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
