I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
