I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
