i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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