you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
