i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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