I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
