Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
