bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
