wrigley field is MILF paradise
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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