I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
