whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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