Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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