My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
