k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
