What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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