But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
