I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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