I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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