i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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