if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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