I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
