God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
