Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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