did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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