Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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