This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
