he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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