I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
