I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
