no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
