mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
