Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
