Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
