my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
