Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
