ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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