Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
