WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
