I cockslap morals
I wish I only lived at night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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