I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
