Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
