Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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