you would pick up someone in the library
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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